12.26.1997 8:52 P.M.
Talk about it, talk about it, talk about it, talk about it, yeah.
So
what the heck am I to say about talking about it? I guess I have to say that
I want to encourage everyone to talk to others about whatever might be going
on that is somehow creating discomfort. What
I'm speaking about here are those situations where we have just encountered
something with regard to another person that has prompted us to feel hurt or
distanced from that person.
Often times such situations just remain inside when it might be more constructive
to bring it out in the open. I personally believe that it's far more constructive
speak out one's feelings in the moment when it's done with the clear intent
of building a closer relationship and creating a better understanding between
each other. Why do I say this? Many times we hold back our feelings for various
reasons that all seem to make sense. If it didn't make sense to keep our feelings
to ourselves, then we'd more often be talking about those things that are causing
us discomfort.
Now I realize that there are many people who feel that to speak out one's feelings
open them up to criticism, ridicule or even makes them feel weak. I've heard
many times in many situations such things like "come on, toughen up",
or "stop being a baby", or any number of comments that may seem to
belittle. My feeling is this, if you know you intend to create a greater understanding
between you and if you feel that your speaking out didn't result in that, then
you aren't done. You've just broadened the topic to include this newly added
feeling that you now have of feeling shut down, put down or whatever prompted
you to feel like backing down from the discussion that was intended to bring
you two together.
Do it now or do it later.
Letting something stand as it is when it serves to diminish yourself or another
acts as wedge that remains in place until the next event that serves to add
another wedge in the relatively same location. Like a block of wood, wedge after
wedge it becomes more stressed until it eventually splits. It doesn't go away
as it might appear. It lurks inside pending resolution in some fashion. Resolution
can come alone or in tandem with the personal growth of the other party as well.
Working alone is difficult and seems to just foster isolation and weaken any
confidence in a process that is part of life and might as well be fun.
All life is precious, that makes you precious. All life deserves respect and
so you deserve respect. So does the person that you're becoming increasingly
pissed at! But the respect we all deserve does not need to come at the expense
of anything, especially not at the expense of another person. I feel that working
constructively actually encourages others find the means to become the kind
of person that it's quite easy to respect. This is important since we all seem
to have a tendency to find reasons not to reveal our feelings, or at least to
find reasons that it's unnecessary. A good rule of thumb is if you finding yourself
thinking about something that someone has just done or said, and you find that
you are now reacting to that versus to what is now happening, then there's something
to talk about.
Fun? What the heck am I saying. That I might be able to take some pleasure in
the process of working things out? Exactly! Maybe not in every situation, but
there can be an element of pleasure when you consider that if both parties are
talking constructively, meaning trying to convey their feelings without trying
to hurt the other, then something good will always come out of the discussion.
That's good news. Any pain involved in talking about a sensitive subject is
far outweighed by the great sense of accomplishment that eventually results.